if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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