You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
