You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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