At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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