I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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