Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
