She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
