okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
