you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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