Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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