well you can't waste a boner
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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