Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
