he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
