i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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