You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
