im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
