i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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