Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
