Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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