Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
