and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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