Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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