i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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