I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
