Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
