lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
