Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
