At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
