Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
