The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
