the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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