I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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