A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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