How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
