Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize