Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
