I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
