you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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