I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize