Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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