I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
