Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
