physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
