You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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