hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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