when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize