come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
