I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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