she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Bring me that man meat
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize