There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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