Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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