I want to have your abortion
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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