I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
