Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
