Can Purell be used as lube?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
