wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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