wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
