You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
