He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
