if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
