If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize