I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
