I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
