They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
