i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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