I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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