Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize