He is an equal opportunity slut.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
