I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
