but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
