In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
